How to Stay Warm in a Dress

02 Nov 2014 4 Comments

by Sweet-Water-and-Bitter in Beauty, Looks, Modesty Tags: , ,

Victorian

Are you new to wearing dresses, and wondering how you’ll manage your first winter as a beautiful, feminine, modest dress-wearer? First of all, congratulations on your decision to dress with modesty. You will never regret looking classy and respectable, and  you will soon appreciate the very significant differences in the treatment you  receive by presenting yourself  as a lovely lady instead of a hot chick. I want to encourage you to make it through the upcoming winter without “growing weary in well-doing,” so I offer you some tips.

First of all, know that YOU CAN DO THIS. There is no question about it! Generations of our ancestors managed their lives wearing dresses in all sorts of weather, without the benefit of central heat, by the way. Most of the time, the adjustment to be made here is psychological in that a dress is not actually impeding your functionality, you simply feel funny wearing one to do certain things. This may be because you don’t own the most suitable type of dresses or skirts for every activity yet, but that will come with time and perseverance. You can do it, and you’ll be so glad you did.

If you work in an office or other indoor setting, please FORGET the idea of wearing dress shoes such as pumps, and leaving your calves bare or covered only by pantyhose (if anybody wears those anymore!). You will be just like some of my silly coworkers, who walk in the door daily in skimpy dress and immediately start complaining that they’re freezing. Be wise about this! The weather won’t change to accommodate your clothes, so you must change your clothes to fit the weather. What you need are some BOOTS. I myself can hardly wait to start wearing boots each year, because for one thing, you can wear your favorite comfortable socks and nobody will ever know, plus you don’t need to be concerned with how your legs look! If your boots seem to look funny, chances are that there is a wrong-sized gap between the top of them and the bottom of your skirt. I think it’s best if there is either NO gap (so your skirt comes down over your boots) or a gap of several inches (if you have that much leg). Just a slight gap looks like a mistake, similar to the look of “high-water” pants. I would caution you, though, when leaving a gap, that “sexy” is not the look you are going for. Keep your skirt at a decent length, and please avoid blatantly sexy stiletto heels. You do realize, my dear innocents, that when you wear shoes like that, it tempts men to picture you wearing ONLY the shoes? I would love to have a man comment and back me up on that, because I am absolutely sure of it.

You are going to want to have skirts or dresses of thicker, sturdier material, that the wind will not cut through. In hot weather, I tend to wear very lightweight, flowing skirts, but winter is the time to change to khaki, corduroy, or thick knits, and denim for casual wear. Obviously, longer is warmer.

Your secret weapon is what you wear on your legs. You will need some or all of the following: tights, leggings, and thermal underwear! Tights are nice when the weather is not biting cold but just a bit chilly, and bare legs would look oddly summery. They are also nice when you don’t feel like boots and would rather wear a mary-jane or some other style of shoe. Leggings are warm and come in all sorts of colors and patterns, but be careful with those patterns if you’re a mature lady. Not all are becoming to us. A benefit to leggings is that they are footless, and since we’ve already decided you’ll be wearing your favorite socks, you don’t want your feet to get all overheated indoors. Thermal underwear is for SERIOUS cold! In the past I owned some actual “long-john” style with the sort of checked-looking pattern. I actually prefer those, because they have a band at the ankle that keeps them from moving around. (Thermal sets are great to sleep in, too, because they stay rather close to your body so they keep drafts from going up your clothes, and don’t get all twisted around as you toss and turn.) Now that I live in Florida where it’s not very cold for very long, I have not been able to find that style, but I have some “Cud’l Duds,” purchased at Walmart, that serve the same purpose.

Finally, if you run low on ideas or have no modest dressers in your daily life that you’d like to emulate, PINTEREST IS A GOLD MINE! Approximately one bazillion people (just kidding) have Pinterest boards labeled “modesty” or “modest clothes” and so forth. I’m sure you could even search “modest winter” or “skirts and boots” or whatever it is you’re trying to work with.

I wish you a wonderful winter and a delightful holiday season…Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year! Be beautiful be festive, be WARM, and be modest and classy, too!

 

 

Where Is Your Dignity?

01 Nov 2014 2 Comments

by Sweet-Water-and-Bitter in Beauty, Christian Life, Looks, Modesty Tags: ,

Clown-Stuart Miles

 (Image by Stuart Miles, courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

My son goes to public school, and as we all know, public schools are touchy these days about acknowledging any sort of holiday, lest they get complaints from someone who doesn’t celebrate it. But I was driving him to school yesterday morning, which was Halloween, and I noticed a girl about his age, riding her bicycle down the street in fuzzy pajamas. Well, you never know about THAT anymore–today is the first really chilly day we’ve had in Florida, and I saw kids wearing pajamas in both of the public places I went this morning. It’s a ridiculous habit and I think their parents could use a good spanking…I mean, is it too much trouble for your children–or YOU, for that matter–to at least put some CLOTHES on when you go to a store or a restaurant? I think not!  But I digress.

Anyway, I asked my son about the girl on the bike, and he said it was Pajama Day, the culmination of School Spirit Week. It’s all in good fun, of course, but I was rather glad he hadn’t participated because, as I was mentioning to him, you just never know what a day may bring. I can think of situations where one might really regret being caught in foolish dress.

Here is a real-life example. I once worked at a bank, and we all dressed up for Halloween. I was a cat, and my coworkers were witches and gypsies, superheroes and headless ghouls. One lady, the vice president, dressed as a clown. She was a tall, heavyset, older lady, and she went all-out for her costume, with the typical multi-colored suit, giant colorful curly wig, white face makeup and huge red painted-on smile. It was a great costume…until the vice president had to sit down with a grieving, recently-widowed customer to go over her late husband’s finances. Can you imagine what the vice president would have given to not be dressed like a clown at that moment? She certainly hadn’t meant any offense; she just hadn’t anticipated this meeting. But the end result was that she felt mortified and ashamed, and vowed never again to dress up at work.

I really think there’s a lesson in that. No matter what may happen to us in the course of a day, I think our appearance should give an accurate portrayal of who and what we are.  Whenever a Christian starts talking about standards of dress, somebody will cry “Legalism!” and state how they have freedom in Christ and it doesn’t matter what they put on their bodies. But do a little bit more studying on the subject, and you’re bound to run across the example of “wearing the uniform of the team you represent.” I happen to be watching the Georgia/Florida football game right now, and I can tell you that if a guy came on the field in an orange and blue (FL) uniform and started running touchdowns for Georgia, everybody would be very confused. (Don’t get me wrong, Georgia would be GLAD for somebody to run them a touchdown right about now, but I’m digressing again.) It’s pretty simple, really…if you dress rather simply and modestly, you’re likely to be perceived as a Christian. Dress like a floozy and you’ll be assumed to be a floozy. Dress like a bum or just like a pure-T fool with your pants hanging off your rear and a tattoo of  some silly character on your body—you’ll look like a bum or a fool. So what do you want to say with your appearance? Do you count on your behavior and demeanor to CORRECT the initial negative impression you made? Or just reinforce a positive one?

Ah, here’s another true story. The other day, a 20-something friend related that she had gone into a store (wearing the type of sexy outfit she wears most every day)  to buy a sandwich, and when she came out minutes later, someone had left a gospel tract on the window of her car. She suspected an older man she had seen, but noticed that the tracts were not left on everyone’s car–just hers. Laughingly she told us, “He probably looked at me and said, ‘She can’t be a Christian–she’s too cute!'”  Oh, honey, I wanted to say. That’s not what he was thinking…not at all.

If you are considering the subject of appropriate dress, may I recommend a couple of good books to you? They are written by authors with very different backgrounds–one Catholic, one Baptist. But I find them both very worthwhile and recommend them highly to you.

Dressing With Dignity, by Colleen Hammond. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00DJGL240?btkr=1

Your Clothes Say It For You, by Elizabeth Rice Handford. http://www.amazon.com/Your-Clothes-Say-It-You/dp/0873989503

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Speaking of reading…watch for emails or updates from me in the next few days, because I’m going to tell you about an awesome BUNDLE…do  you know what a bundle is?? Neither did I, until today, although I’ve seen them mentioned on blogs. Let’s just say it’s a large quantity of materials for a low price. The one I am going to tell you about is the ULTIMATE CHRISTIAN LIVING  bundle. For the very low price of $34.95, you will be able to have access to a large quantity of Christian e-books (please note the E!) in various categories, from marriage, to parenting, to inspirational novels, to devotionals, and more! Download the ones you want to your computer or tablet and have plenty to read for at least a year. Even if you only like 2-3 of them, this price makes it a great deal. PLUS, included in the same price, you will receive Bonus Reward Points from Tyndale Publishing–enough to purchase a physical (real, not E) book of your choice, which they’ll ship to you. You will receive a selection of Day Spring greeting cards. And finally, you’ll get access to a Christian workout program and accompanying DVD. All this stuff would retail for over $1000 if you purchased the items separately!

This is an awesome deal and will only run from November 5th through 10th, so watch for more info from me!

Prayer for Housework + Homecoming Hoochie-Wear

19 Oct 2014 5 Comments

by Sweet-Water-and-Bitter in Christian Life, Cleaning, Homemaking, Modesty, Parenting Tags: , , , ,

You’d think for once maybe I’d just write something NICE…especially since the idea for the first part of this post literally came to me in a dream, and I can’t remember that ever happening to me before. But alas, I cannot be as nice as some of my fellow bloggers, much as I admire them.  Hence the name Sweet Water AND Bitter. Here’s the nicer part:

Laundry tongdang

(Image by Tongdang, Courtesy of FreeDigitalImages.net)

 

A PRAYER FOR DOING HOUSEWORK

I woke up this morning

(Awake, thou that sleepest)

And threw on some clothes.

(Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.)

As usual, it was waiting for me:

(Go therefore now, and work)

the housework.

(To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.)

Making beds

( Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled)

Washing dishes

(Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.)

Dusting

(My soul cleaveth unto the dust: quicken thou me according to thy word.)

Caring for pets

(Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?)

Doing laundry

(Wash me and I shall be whiter than snow)

Cooking

(Thou preparest a table before me)

Sweeping

(And when he cometh, he findeth it swept and garnished)

Surely there are more “fun” things to do in life

(Folly is joy to him that is destitute of wisdom)

But I am blessed to have a home to call my own

(Every wise woman buildeth her house)

And spaces to keep clean and orderly, out of love

(To love their husbands; to love their children)

For those who fill the once-empty rooms.

(God setteth the solitary in families.)

 ___________________________________________________________

NOW…..ABOUT THE HOMECOMING DRESSES:

Well, ladies, it’s that time again…seems like prom and wedding season was just yesterday, and here we are posting pictures of our beautiful teenagers in their homecoming attire. For those readers outside the US ( and I’m pleased to say there are many!) a high school homecoming, in its simplest terms, is a football game followed by a special dance at which the students dress up somewhat more than usual. It’s called homecoming because former students (whether college-aged or adult) often come back to visit and relive old times at their alma mater. I don’t know about you, but in my high school years, a homecoming outfit was simply a nice date outfit. Maybe a new skirt or sweater, but certainly something that could be worn for many other occasions as well. Nowadays, homecoming is one step below prom, and the girls wear…well, there’s hardly another word for them…cocktail dresses.

Prom DC Dominici

(Image by David Castillo Dominici, courtesy of FreeDigitalImages.net)

A few of my friends have proudly posted pictures of their beautiful daughters all dressed up for their special night, but I find the pictures distressing. The first one was a buxom fourteen-year-old wearing an all-black dress. She was fully covered on top, but her skirt was form-fitting and very, very short. Next I saw a pretty, slender girl in a strapless, jeweled gown. Not to say that any strapless dress is sufficient covering (by the standards of many Christian parents), but this dress was so poorly fitted that it covered even less than expected. It came down far lower than it should have, so that the entire viewing public was within an nth of seeing that which was designed for feeding her babies. (See, I could make a crack right here about how she’s liable to have some pretty soon, too, if she keeps going out dressed like that, but I’m too classy. ;-)) Another shot showed a girl in a white mini-dress, leaning back against a tree with her arms thrown over her head, doing an excellent job of looking sultry and provocative. Parents post these pictures, and their friends chime in, “Get the shotgun, Daddy!” and other such statements that are meant to be complimentary. But these are not compliments to a young girl’s loveliness. These are roundabout ways of saying, “Your daughter looks very sexually attractive!” Is that what you were going for?

Oh dear, and their poor dates. Those poor, scruffy, half-grown boys who don’t even own a pair of dress shoes, and who have no idea that they will never again in their lives attract girls as beautiful as the ones they are dating right now…do you think it’s even fair to them to expect them to view that much of your daughter’s skin and not want to do more than view it? And by the way…young girls are emotional and sentimental, and sometimes they have a hard time resisting the urge to make a special occasion even more special. Why put them both in a situation where it will be sooooo much harder than usual to keep their guard up?

If it’s the custom at your daughter’s school to have a special new dress and you desire to provide one, there is nothing wrong with that. And she needn’t look like a nun. But it is not nearly as difficult as people like to pretend, to find a party dress that decently covers a young girl’s body. One excellent resource is online stores catering to LDS (Mormon) girls and ladies. I’ve decided not to list any particular sites, but simply Google “LDS Homecoming dresses” for a selection of dresses that are special and fancy, yet modest. You might also consider using the word Apostolic in your searches…or simply the word modest.

Her Feet Abide Not in Her House

27 Sep 2014 4 Comments

by Sweet-Water-and-Bitter in Christian Life, Homemaking, Marriage, Modesty, Submission Tags:

David Castillo Dominici

(Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

It has happened again: a young girl, alone and wandering around drunk after a late-night party, has disappeared. We don’t know yet exactly what has happened to her, but we can assume it was something horrible. What a tragic thing for her and her family. I have every sympathy for them.  And yet, more and more when this sort of thing happens, I find myself thinking regretfully, “If only she had stayed at home.”

Let me stop and make a few concessions and/or admissions before I continue:

1) No one deserves to be victimized by anyone simply by being alone or being in a public place, or even being intoxicated. No one deserves it for any reason. No one is “asking for it.”

2) In my young and single days, I partied and drank in bars on a weekly basis. Generally I was with a friend, but there were occasions when I went out alone.

3) It is entirely possible to be victimized anytime, anywhere (including your own home or workplace), and even while engaged in the most innocent of activities.

All that being said, let me admit in addition that I watch an inordinate amount of true crime TV:  “Snapped,” and “Suburban Secrets” and “Deadly Women” and all such as that. I don’t make a particular point to catch these shows; I think I just wind up watching a lot of them because unlike network TV sitcoms or dramas, there is no particular premise I need to understand and no characters I have to be familiar with. I can tune in at any point and pretty much catch on to the action, so I tend to watch bits and pieces of them. As I listen to the descriptions of circumstances that lead to murders and other crimes, I again find myself noticing a pattern. Much of the time, if she hadn’t been out carousing, she’d be alive. If she hadn’t been out cheating on her husband, she’d be alive. If she hadn’t been trying to enrich herself by hurting somebody else, she wouldn’t have gotten into trouble.

We’re all just trying to feel happy, aren’t we? The latest missing girl probably just wanted to have some fun that night. I know that’s what I was doing when I was in my twenties…trying to have fun and looking for a relationship. Thankfully, nobody ever harmed me, but I can easily think of DOZENS, if not hundreds, of times when they could have. How many dark parking lots could I have been snatched from? How many times did I enter a home or a car of someone I didn’t know well enough to trust with my life? One of the main verses of scripture that constantly pops into my mind is I Timothy 5:6: “But she that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth.”

This can be applied various ways. Obviously, it does not mean “don’t have any fun or you’ll get yourself killed.” I’m not saying that. I am suggesting that if the main thing on a woman’s mind is partying, getting drunk, getting high, finding some sex, getting male attention and acquiring money or possessions, she’s on the wrong path. If you’re single and this is what you live for—you might want to rethink your priorities. If you’re married and you can hardly WAIT for the next girls’ night out, bachelorette party, or whatever social occasion takes you away from your family and out into the street to relive your more hedonistic days, you definitely need to reconsider. She that liveth in pleasure is dead while she liveth. Your life should be about more than making yourself feel good.

I’d like to call your attention to the biblical phrase, “keepers at home.” (Titus 2:5.) This phrase is often used in connection with our more modern word, “housekeeping,” and is thought to refer to being a housewife, a stay-at-home mother, or a person who manages her home well and maintains a clean and organized house. Maintaining an orderly home is obviously a good and admirable thing to do (as opposed to, y’know, sitting around watching “Snapped.” :-) ) But I happen to think that the verse is actually stating that a good and chaste woman ought primarily to stay at home, rather than be out at the bar, the restaurant, the friend’s house, the country club, or the shopping mall.

Consider the description of the woman in Proverbs 7. She is not, you”ll note, a professional prostitute. She is a married woman, merely wearing the attire of a harlot in the episode described. (Hmm, what do you wear when you go out with your girlfriends?)  She is further described as “loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house.” (Emphasis mine.) There are several translations of that phrase available in the various versions of the Bible, but they all amount to the same thing: the woman described will not stay home and behave herself; she’s always out running the streets. Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible expands further on this passage with the following statement: “Her feet abide not in her house; to attend to the business of it; but she is gadding abroad to seek her lovers, and bring them in; it is the character of good women that they are keepers at home, but it is the sign of a harlot to gad abroad…”

stockimages (2)

(Image courtesy of Stockimages at FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Getting pretty radical in here now, isn’t it? I hope no feminists are reading this, or their heads may have just exploded. SURELY I’m not saying you ought to be like a prisoner in your own home, am I? Surely I’m not saying that we shouldn’t venture outside the house unescorted by a male relative. Next thing you know, I’ll be saying it’s a sin to go to the grocery store, or drop your children off at school, or go to work, for that matter, since it involves leaving the house.

Well no, I wouldn’t take it that far. But there is a bit of a difference, wouldn’t you say, in going about your normal life doing good and necessary things, and in “letting your hair down,” escaping the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, and seeking your own pleasure by going places and doing things that a Christian woman simply ought not to do.

Compared with “gadding abroad,” chances are better that you’ll be safe at home. Chances are better that, in your own home, you won’t encounter someone who either wants to harm you or lead you astray. You have liberty; of course you do. But if you search the whole Bible, I am pretty sure you won’t come up with any description of a wise woman that says, “She hangeth out with her girlfriends and drinketh margaritas.” The world thinks it’s perfectly acceptable. But Christian women have a different standard…..don’t we?

Put Some Clothes On, Granny

13 Sep 2014 24 Comments

by Sweet-Water-and-Bitter in Beauty, Christian Life, Looks, Modesty, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

oldgranny

I have read many, many, many a blog post on the topic of modesty. And not just blog posts…I spent a year or two seeking out every published article I could find, and I’ve read several books about it as well. If you are interested in the topic of modesty, you may very well have done the same, so I am excusing myself from presenting an exhaustive review of the following:

1) Modesty is a biblical principle, although the exact application of it to modern life is a matter that individuals may differ about.

2) Yes, what’s in your heart matters most, but many of us believe that there is a standard of decency that Christian women should follow, and that this standard requires clothing that is quite a bit different from what many women wear (and completely different than what most celebrities wear).

3) We should give grace to those who may not yet know what we have learned, and to those who interpret the scriptures differently than we do.

Are we mostly agreed? I sure hope so, because I’m about to bust right out and tell you that

I AM TIRED OF PEOPLE COMING HALF NAKED TO CHURCH.

OK, maybe I exaggerate just a bit, but I see a lot more skin than I want to, and my husband sees a lot more than I want him to. I can’t even count how many young women come to services in backless, strapless, and/or too short garments.  It bothers me, because I’m always wondering– even if these women choose to wear revealing clothes elsewhere, why don’t they have enough sense to put on something decent for church? Oh, wait…..it’s because their mothers and grandmothers are doing the same thing.

I’ll be honest with you, it hasn’t been that long since I went through what bloggers like to call a “modesty transformation,” but one thing that has made it extremely easy is the knowledge that I am neither a spring chicken nor a fashion model, and there isn’t that much of my body that anybody is dying to see anyway! Can I get an AMEN on that?? I mean really…it’s a blessing to me to cover up what needs to be covered, and I know a few trying-real-hard-to-look-hot grandmas who might want to give that idea a try themselves, and be a better example to their younger counterparts.

Can I say this plain and simple? We all have different ideas of what’s pretty and what’s appropriate. But church is NOT the place for any outfit that could possibly be called sexy. It’s just not. Stop advertising if you’re not selling, and throw on a cardigan or something.

And while we’re at it, do you really need to come to church in jean shorts and a graphic T-shirt? Do you really?  I get the idea that nobody wants to get all dressed up on a Sunday morning, especially if the weather is not conducive to that. As a society, we don’t do very much dressing up anymore…it seems we’ve all (except my boss, of course) agreed that we’d rather be comfortable.  I have to dress in “professional” clothes every day at work…like this:

leop-fuschia

OR THIS:

best

 

….and you can bet your sweet patootie that there is quite a bit of the wailing and gnashing of teeth when I have to get up on Sunday and put on the exact same type of thing. It’s HOT here, and now I’ll have to come home after church instead of going straight on to whatever else I planned to do and I don’t feel like dressing up today and blah, blah, blah. Oh well, that’s too bad, and I have to get over it and put on something appropriate to where I’m going–just as I would for a job interview, a date, a wedding (to which people also go dressed in any old rag nowadays, and that’s extremely RUDE ) or for that matter, to work out at the gym or clean out the garage. You dress for the occasion, not just to suit yourSELF.

I could show up to my church in denim shorts (if I had any). Women do it every week. And I could wear a sundress, or bare my cleavage and give the pastor a heart attack when he looks down from the altar (no joke, women really are very inconsiderate of the pastor when they do that). I could wear a mini-skirt, or something peek-a-boo with a plunging bare back to give the men in the pews behind me a distraction. (Hey, I didn’t say a pleasant one…just a distraction.)

But I do none of these things, and I don’t think anybody should, and do you know why? Because, in the famous words of “Mammy” from Gone With the Wind…

.mammy2
 

… “It ain’t fittin’, it jest ain’t fittin.’ IT AIN’T FITTIN’.

My Body, My Husband

14 Aug 2014 13 Comments

by Sweet-Water-and-Bitter in Marriage, Uncategorized, Weight and Plus Size Tags: , ,

venus

 

I am not usually a person who likes to call attention to anything negative about myself. It’s not that I don’t criticize myself internally for countless things; it’s just that I see no benefit in pointing them out to other people. So this post will be a departure from my usual ways while I try to express something that’s been on my mind for quite a while now.

I am five feet tall. As a teenager and young adult, I had a great figure and wore a size five. But with my first pregnancy, I was so excited about it and so anxious to “show” that I allowed myself to gain without even attempting to keep it under control, and weight has been a struggle for me ever since. I’d say right now I’m about sixty pounds too heavy.

When I met my husband, I had already had two children (one who passed away and another who was a toddler then, a young adult now). So Brian never saw me at my best. He first knew me as an chubby 30-year-old with an especially ugly vertical c-section scar. I was so in dread of him seeing my ruined body for the first time, but he loved me then and he still loves me today. He has never once called me a name (not even passed off as a joke), made a cutting remark, or suggested a diet. He accepts me exactly as I am, even though the aging process is contributing even more unattractive components to my physical self.

But so often, when I’m alone, about to step into the shower, I catch sight of myself in the bathroom mirror and I want to say to him, “I’m so sorry.” I’m not anything so nice as “curvy;” I’m misshapen with a rear end (formerly my favorite body part) like a wad of chewed bubble gum. Brian’s usually not home at the time of morning when this happens, so I have thoughts of emailing him or calling him to apologize for myself.  I don’t do it only because he’d scoff and tell me I was crazy and point out that he is imperfect as well.  But you who are not involved, I hope you can understand me. This mirror-moment is not a moment of self-pity or of me wanting him to assure me that I look fine. I really don’t look fine, and I know it, and for the man who made a promise to be intimate with nobody else but me, I am sincerely so sorry that this is the body I have to offer him.

Some of you, right now, are yelling at your screen, “Then DO something about it!” I know; it sounds so simple, doesn’t it? I feel the exact same way when I look at people who can’t manage their houses—oh my gosh, how simple is it to keep up with laundry, take the trash out and make the bed? It’s easy! Or, hmm, maybe it’s just easy to me because the effort expended leads so quickly to a consequence that gives me great enjoyment. I like to look around and see a tidy house, so I clean up. Maybe some people feel great after eating a salad and climbing the stairmaster, whereas I’d just be irritable and exhausted.

So it seems pretty clear that I am not naturally drawn to being a gym rat, and i’m so far past my prime now that if I were single, I’d probably just buy myself some big ol’ clothes and just say “forget it!” But I care about Brian and what I am to him. I know he loves my heart and soul, but shouldn’t it be worth any amount of sacrifice and effort for me to put them in a prettier package?  I often think about this: if anything (God forbid) were to happen to him, I know my emotional makeup well enough to know that the first thing I would do is lose interest in eating, and all the weight would drop off. If I could do it then, why not do it while he’s alive and with me to enjoy it? I also sometimes think, (not that he would, but) suppose he got himself a girlfriend. The stress, the anxiety, the maddening fear of “what’s she got that I ain’t got” would have me wearing out the treadmills all over town. So why not do it now, before something like that happens? I don’t understand it myself.

I’ll end with an anecdote from a TV show… it may have been Dr. Phil from a while back. There was a husband who was just slightly overweight, but his wife was absolutely livid about it. It was brought to her attention that he had eaten a doughnut at work, and I was shocked at how infuriated she was with the poor, hapless guy. Her face suggested that she hated and was utterly disgusted by him. “How could you do that?” she demanded. When I try to get into that woman’s head and understand what was the huge deal about a doughnut, the only comparison I can come up with is to think how I might react in a financial crisis. If we were flat broke, desperate, counting every nickel, and Brian came home after making some fairly innocent but totally unnecessary purchase, I might feel a bit like the doughnut wife. It’s not the doughnut that counts…it’s the idea that she was trying so hard to move him in one direction and he deliberately went in the other one. It made her crazy.

So I’m wondering if I could refocus my thinking somehow…to get myself to believe that every calorie is important…not in and of itself, so much, but in relation to the direction I want to go. I’d like my husband to be not just content with me, but excited about me. Proud of me, even.

I do have one bit of news to share: this fall, I expect to be a participant in a clinical weight loss study, using an experimental drug. Sounds scary, I know. But maybe it will be a good thing. Comments are welcome, and prayers even more so.

 

 

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